


Mr. and Mr.

by Pepsi (Pepsiiii)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Assassins & Hitmen, Established Relationship, Heartbreak, Just two guys shooting the shit together., M/M, They're just co-wowrkers, short scenes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2020-07-18
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:27:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25367575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pepsiiii/pseuds/Pepsi
Summary: “Do you ever think we should like, I don’t know, kiss or something?” Lev whispers into his drink. The bartender is off cleaning glasses or something, Lev doesn’t really care much. This couldn’t possibly be the first guy he’d seen talking to himself at the bar (drunk or not) and it couldn’t possibly be the last.“What?”“After work, we should do that. I think you would enjoy it.”“I don’t think I would.”OR; Lev and Kageyama are assassins with too much free time.
Relationships: Haiba Lev & Kageyama Tobio, Haiba Lev/Miya Osamu, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Comments: 3
Kudos: 17





	Mr. and Mr.

**Author's Note:**

> This is for Connie!! enjoy

Lev lowers his voice, a cheap imitation of Kageyama’s voice, and speaks as he mixes the last of his poison and puts it in his open pill capsules.

_ “Wow Lev, thanks for asking about my super hot and romantic date with that orange-haired nobody I found outside of a subway! Yeah, it was great and I’m genuinely sooooo touched that you care enough to ask. How is your love life going?” _

Lev raises his voice back to its usual tone and responds.

“I’m glad you asked! Honestly, this guy is a bit difficult to pin down, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t into that, but all this work is annoying me more than anything.”

“ _ Uh-huh, I get that. But that’s the fun part, right? ” _

_ “ _ Yeah, I guess…”

_ “My grandfather always said that if you wanted something right, do it yourself and do it right the first time.” _

“Wow, Tobio-kun… he sounds like such a wise man. I’ll remember that next time I chase after his gray hairs and rice covered hands. Tell me more about your grandfather, he sounds like a real cool guy.”

“ _ Maybe later, we have this stakeout tonight and I’d hate to distract you. I know you could work and talk but I just wanna make your life easier!” _

_ “ _ Wow Tobio-kun, I don’t even know what to say. You’re just, so considerate man. I love you.”

“ _ I love you too Lev, you’re so smart and cool and kill people efficiently and your poisons are deadly and awesome and don’t stink up the car and you never attempt to kill me by drugging my drink or shooting me in the head when you’re sniping so really I should be THANKING YOU for everything you do—“ _

_ “ _ Oh there’s no need my friend- I know all this already.”

“Yeah but cool guys like you deserve to hear it again!”

“Oh well, if you  _ insist.” _

“ _ I do!” _

Kageyama cocks his gun, the sound of bullets falling onto the metal table breaking up the one-man conversation. 

“Will you  _ PLEASE,  _ shut up.”

Lev looks over his shoulder and feels his lab goggles scratch at his nose a bit, they always leave an indent in his skin after prolonged use and he wasn’t looking forward to having a google shaped outline on the front of his face for the next 20 minutes. Oh, the things he does to prevent harm to his body and mind when chemicals are involved.

“Anything for you Tobio-kun.”

“ _ Dick.” _

_ “ _ Pft, tell me about it NICER-Tobio-kun.”

! ! !

He’s sitting in a bar. Lev is sipping at his margarita (it’s actually just a sprite slush but he has to play the whole ‘wasted, rich and pretty tourist’ role tonight and nothing said ‘out-of-townie’ like drinking a shittily made margarita in the middle of a classy bar during the ‘ _ not usually known for their margaritas after 3 o’clock happy hour’  _ time frame). His hair is brown tonight, a deep oak wood brown or something. He wore the brunet look  _ okay  _ but anytime his hair was anything but it’s natural silver he felt less than perfect… like a rare one of a kind white tiger being painted to that of a (still very beautiful) orange tiger… it was wonderful to those who’ve never seen better but Lev was born looking better- all the time- so really, and it hurts him to even think this, he’s not a solid 11/10 anymore. He’s, now, nothing more than a 9.8. 

Anyway he’s sipping and the music is playing and the bar is cold but the room is hot and Lev feels Kageyama in his ear, the idiot rambling on about something or another needed for the mission. 

“ _ It’s important that you watch out for this guy when it comes to drugging his drinks. He always keeps a date-rape pen on him to check his drinks before every sip. Also, be careful when you get alone with him. He isn’t very strong but he bites—” _

Well, now Lev is starting to get bored and a bit drunk from all this slushed sprite (the sting of the salted rim and the lime in his nose making the fake tipsy he’s putting on feel even faker, the buzz he created for himself already wearing off). Bored was never a good thing and Lev was a man who lived for the good things in life. As such, he stirred the pot whenever he could—, especially with his favorite coworker.

“Do you ever think we should like, I don’t know, kiss or something?” Lev whispers into his drink. The bartender is off cleaning glasses or something, Lev doesn’t care much. This  _ couldn’t possibly _ be the first guy he’d seen talking to himself at the bar (drunk or not) and it  _ couldn’t possibly  _ be the last. 

“ _ What?” _

“After work, we should do that. I think you would enjoy it.”

“ _ I don’t think I would.” _

When they first started working together Lev saying something like that would’ve made Kageyama blush and sputter, maybe grab his shirt and call him a dick or idiot or something cute and overzealous. Now he just sighed or laughed or, god forbid,  _ went along with it.  _ It was cute and fun sure, but there was nothing more disappointing than when a stick in the mud becomes a spear (a stupid spear Lev was having a good time throwing horseshoes at and whatever the fuck else he could find, also known as awkward conversation topics). 

“I think you should give it a shot. Y’know, _for science_.” 

“ _ You’re the scientist among us, remember?”  _

“If you put your mind to it I’m sure you could be far more experimental than even I, Tobio-kun.”

“ _ I’ll leave the experimentation to the mad scientist who listens to ‘Copacobana’ and shakes his ass as he brews his life ending poisons.”  _

Lev sighs. Fuck him. It’s a great song. Nothing makes the process of creating a fresh batch of compound 1080 more fun than humming along to the song  _ Copacobana.  _ It’s a good ass song. Sue him.

“So no kisses?”

“ _ Maybe if Hinata doesn’t work out.” _

“You can do a lot better man, I’m right here.”

“ _ Yeah? And what about your guy? You gonna ditch him for me?” _

_ “ _ HA. You’re  _ so _ funny Tobio-kun.”

As Kageyama’s chuckles play through the speakers, out of the corner of Lev’s eye he sees the door open and the target is suddenly inside. And just like that, the night begins.

“Oh would you look at that,  _ it seems I need a refill _ .”

_ “I’ll be listening in. Remember, get in, get the watch, get out. Just get that watch no matter what.” _

Lev smiles and puts on his best ‘ _ American-trying-their-best-with-Japanese-but five-weeks-of-Duolingo-isn't-much-help’ accent  _ and gets ready. Long night ahead.

! ! !

  
  


Tobio is sitting in his house watching as Lev tinkers around with his stuff. He stands high above the simple countertops and drawers, his shoulders straight and hands curious as they poke and prod at everything they can hold. Tobio isn’t one to allow people to just  _ touch _ his stuff, especially not move it around however they please, but Lev seems to understand that and sticks to just messing around within his living room, looking at Tobio before he grabs something (he looks at Tobio and whatever he’s rambling about slows down a bit as he waits for some sign of ‘ _ don’t fucking touch that’  _ to flare up and show on Tobio’s face) and then, continuing his looking. 

This isn’t the first time he’s been in Tobio’s place, it won’t be the last either, but for some reason every time he comes over he always likes to grab and feel anything he sees. Maybe it’s just a Lev thing. Tobio knew he always carried switchblades and portable, pocket-sized staplers (without the staples). It wasn’t unusual for his hands to always be spinning a pen or clicking a pen; flipping the blade in and out, over and over without a care. Tobio was so used to it that he was _ far more _ uncomfortable when he wasn’t hearing some type of clicking or clacking around him, or even worse when Lev wasn’t fidgeting at all— just sitting. 

Weird. 

So they’re sitting in his house and Lev is touching his shit and Tobio thinks that maybe this is a bit too casual for coworkers who seemingly hated each other. They bickered and fought, Lev confessed his undying love for Tobio and Tobio replied by saying he couldn’t afford to love him (he doesn’t get paid enough for it), they laughed and then started to scuffle. Lev gets a black eye to match his bright smile and Tobio gets a stab wound in his shoulder. It’s great.

“You have a lot of volleyball stuff.”

“I wanted to play professionally when I was younger.”

Lev nods and picks up the volleyball on one of his shelves. It’s a worn  _ Mikasa  _ brand ball, signed by his old upperclassmen before they graduated. He can’t say that he misses them, but the phantom feeling of the sting of a ball hitting his hand, or the tips of his fingers burning from the constant passes makes him nostalgic.

“I wanted to be a famous model.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Really. What, is it that surprising?”

Tobio watches Lev set the ball back exactly where he got it, turning it in the direction it was in before and making it look like it had never been touched. 

Tobio looks at Lev, really  _ looks. _

“I don’t know anything about fashion but you could’ve done it.”

“Are you saying that I’m pretty Tobio-kun?”

Lev is smiling and tapping his hands on the wall next to him. Tobio doesn’t particularly like the guy so he simply nods and looks back to his tv.

“Yeah.”

! ! !

“You know I didn’t think that a job about  _ assassinations  _ would be twenty percent stakeouts, ten percent murder, and seventy percent paperwork.”

“I don’t think that math is right.”

“Oh?”

“It’s more like… two hundred percent paperwork.”

Lev laughs. 

! ! !

“One would think that our loving sisters, being the fucking figureheads and leaders of this whole business, would— I don’t know, give us better assignments.”

They were sitting at a picture-perfect fancy tablet in the richest restaurant in the whole city. Their table was glowing with the burning candles while the rest of the room sat in dim darkness with only a few wall lights to direct incoming foot traffic. The live pianist was beautiful and Lev looked like a dream.

He always looked nice but he cleaned up and somehow looked even  _ NICER.  _ He loved tooting his own horn, so much, and wasn’t afraid to say he was the best-looking man in the restaurant (maybe even the world).

His idiot partner is (probably) second place.

“You’d think someone as fancy as you would love these missions. You can dress up and shit.”

“Ugh, yeah but that’s beside the point.”

“What point.”

“I don’t  _ know.  _ But it’s beside it.”

Tobio sips at his wine (it’s _ actual  _ alcohol this time. A rare treat).

“I should bring Hinata here.”

“Pay attention to  _ me _ Tobio-kun. I’m your date tonight.”

Lev winks and smiles and drinks out of his glass with his pinkie raised like a child at their first tea party. 

Tobio doesn’t think Hinata would enjoy it here anyway. 

“You’re a terrible date. All you do is complain.”

“It’s called  _ conversation.” _

“You’re the only one talking.”

“That’s how all our conversations go! Don’t act as if you don’t speak— with your  _ eyes.” _

Tobio blinks.

“See? Wonderful.”

He laughed with his eyes too, if you asked Lev. He was doing it now. 

Smiling too.

! ! ! 

They had been talking one night, one of those back-breaking paperwork filled nights, and out of the blue Tobio spoke out.

“I’ll never be able to be with him.”

Lev was typing up an incident report of their most recent hit, the sound of his fingers flying over the keyboard stopping for a moment before resuming without pause.

“Nope.”

Tobio knew that. He knew that the moment he saw Hinata across the street, playing in the community volleyball court. He knew it when they ran into each other at the gym when they got coffee together one time. He knew it when Hinata smiled and he knew it when Hinata explained his job as a semi-professional volleyball player and translator. Their lives were too different. 

Hinata threw balls over nets and translated one language into another. Kageyama tracked information and murdered people for money. 

“I’m going to be alone forever huh.”

“Nah.”

Lev knew from the beginning he had no chance with sexy-mc-rice-chef from 12 blocks away. He didn’t even entertain the thought, choosing instead to enjoy their simple flirts and heated stares. He didn’t believe in self-harm.

“You’ll always have me Tobio-kun.”

Tobio looked away from his screen to see Lev staring at him from his own desk. Two killers with little to no social life or friends outside of their own company. Alienated by their design and bitterly content with the reality of their situation. 

“You’ll have me too.”

“I know.”

Two coworkers against the world, and all that. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> yes lev wants to be a model, yes I'm taking this to the grave, yes Copacabana is the best song ever, no I won't ever shut the fuck up. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed and if you did please leave a comment ;)
> 
> you guys know the deal, comment your thoughts, praise me insistently, go on twitter and yell at me to be productive. It really means a lot when you do!
> 
> //Twt//@Burnttoastwbttr


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